It seems as if creating successful relationships
with our significant others and parenting children are two of the most
difficult jobs we face and yet we get no formal training in either.
It’s as if people believe that we are born with an inherent ability to
do these two things. Yet, look around us. In the US, the divorce rate
is slightly over 50%! I don’t know anywhere but baseball where a 50%
average is a good thing.
Couples go through life getting along when times
are good; and fighting with, ignoring, or leaving each other when
things get tough. Most people believe that to seek help with their
relationships means to admit a certain kind of defeat that says
something about who they are as a person. Or possibly, they believe
that relationships are something we are just supposed to be able to
manage on our own. Or, finally, some people believe that those out
there helping couples can’t know any more than they do. After all,
what’s to know about keeping relationships together?
Well, the truth is that there is a whole lot to
learn when it comes to relationships. Unfortunately, the only training
most of us ever receive is the passive learning we get through the
modeling of the adults who live in our house with us and the media.
Now, I don’t know about you, but my parents had only received the
informal training they got from their parents, and they from my great
grandparents and so on back through the generations. There is so much
more to know about relationships than that!
Also, my parents have helped support that 50%
statistic cited earlier in that they divorced sometime around their
25th wedding anniversary. What I learned about relationships from
watching them is that couples never argue, especially in front of the
children. On the surface, my parents had a very happy marriage but my
father experienced a stereotypical mid-life crisis and suddenly
questioned the meaning of “life” and decided marriage was holding him
back somehow.
In some ways, this type of training may have been
as bad as those who have parents who argue all the time. Disagreements
are a natural by-product of relationships. It is virtually impossible
for two people to come together and create a life without some of their
ideals, values, opinions or day-to-day activities coming into conflict
with each other. The question becomes how the couple manages this
conflict.
There are many things to consider when speaking
about couples and their challenges and areas for growth and
development. The first is compatibility. I know there is an expression
that says opposites attract and I believe there is some accuracy in
that statement when you think of attraction as that chemical
interaction that occurs when two people meet and are attracted. This
chemical attraction doesn’t care what the other person’s values are,
what is important to him or her, the personality characteristics
involved, or what either of you likes to do in your spare time.
Compatibility is a key for a successful, healthy relationship. Go to www.therelationshipcenter.biz
and take the free Assessment to determine your compatibility with your
partner.
A second consideration is simply that there are
major differences in how men are in relationships compared to how women
are. Women generally don’t understand men because the men don’t act
like women and similarly, men don’t understand women because they don’t
act like men. And since a woman has never been a man and a man has
never been a woman, how does each learn about these important
differences? John Gray researched and wrote about these issues in his
book, Men are from Mars; Women are from Venus. But I would say that the
majority of people in relationships don’t take the time to learn about
these gender differences. It is easier to point a finger and blame the
other person for his or her “irrational” behavior.
As mentioned earlier, a third area of growth is
learning how to manage conflict. There are time proven methods for
resolving conflict that we don’t learn in school or from a book. There
are ways to actually hear each other in relationships. By placing the
relationship FIRST in importance, these methods can be implemented by
couples to greatly improve their satisfaction.
There is so much to learn about satisfying
relationships that your parents never showed you. Please don’t become
one of the statistics of divorce or perhaps worse, stay in a miserable
relationship to honor your marriage vows while having so many regrets
about your life as the time ticks away.
Take charge and take control of your life. Learn
some new ways to improve the relationship you are already in or to
prepare yourself for being a better, improved partner for the next
person in your life. Contact Kim at 708-957-6047 or email at Kim@TheRelationshipCenter.biz
about relationship coaching or take one the many Teleclasses scheduled
on the Events Calendar at www.TheRelationshipCenter.biz.
Don’t wait until it is too late. | 