The following are signs of a controlling
relationship:
1. Flattery – Flattery
is different than a compliment – A compliment adds to a person. It
builds within you a sense of confidence free from any ulterior motives.
Flattery on the other hand is insincere and selfish in its motive –
which is simply to gain a greater sense of control. Flattery always
deals with comparisons. The flatterer will privately build you up in
the process of tearing others around you down.
2. Rejection – In
looking at signs of a controlling relationship there is a red flag that
I call "conditional acceptance." An expression of conditional
acceptance is calculated rejection. In other words, by expressing
rejection toward you, the controller hopes your desire for their
acceptance will be strong enough to cause you to change your behavior;
resulting in a subtle form of manipulation. True friendship is
acceptance, understanding and commitment – regardless of whether or not
you do want another person wants you to do.
3. Sense of Indebtedness –
Initially it may seem too good to be true – you suddenly have someone
in your life that is always there to help just at the right time. Yet,
over time it becomes clear the gifts and expressions of generosity have
strings attached. By reminding you of all they have done, they create
in you an overwhelming sense of indebtedness and obligation.
4. Inordinate loyalty –
The controller will always demand loyalty at the expense of your other
relationships. They will often find ways to "drive a wedge" between you
and the other friends and family members in your life, isolating you
from others.
Conclusion
When looking at the signs of a controlling
relationship, it is important to ask yourself the following questions:
Do you often find the need to explain or defend yourself? Do you find
yourself feeling guilty? Do you find yourself apologizing more than you
normally would? Do you pretend to agree and go along with things you
don't want to do in order to keep peace? Are you finding yourself
isolated from your friends and family? When you are around a specific
person, do you often feel frightened or intimidated?
By discovering your sense of worth and value in
God's love, you can find the confidence to not only recognize an
abusive relationship, but to break free from its control.
View More: http://www.relationship
-builder.com/
Article Source: http://www.articlesbase
.com/friendship-articles/signs-of-a-controlling-relationship-2191663
.html
About the Author
Michael Fehlauer has been married to Bonnie over
30 years. They have experienced both the height of success and the
devastation of failure. As a result, Michael Fehlauer and Bonnie
Fehlauer have a strong desire to see the same healing they have
experienced happen in the lives of others. Michael Fehlauer and Bonnie
Fehlauer have traveled extensively throughout the world holding
marriage and family conferences.
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