Marriage as a Relationship

Living in a marriage is an art, a skill and a commitment. It is essential to learn the basics of relationship and creating a vibrant life based on that relationship. This would definitely ensure a satisfied and blissful marriage. Marriage is a big responsibility as it makes a man learn more about life and its philosophy. From a woman’s point of view, a marriage and having children make her whole and complete. By not marrying, individuals miss out on the wonderful feeling of existence and essence of being. To enjoy a complete bliss in a marriage it takes a million tiny moves from two people who are from different worlds.

There isn’t a way to learn about marriage other than from experience. These methods about marriage are not taught in a school or university. People just follow the path laid down by their predecessors. This implies a lack of effort in trying to learn the fundamentals of marriage and relationships. In an ideal world a marriage should work just fine but it doesn’t. Some marriages breakdown or there is some tension in a relationship. The partners in a marriage become victims of stress and strain. In such an emotionally charged mindset, many of them fail to analyze, investigate, and realize the quintessence of life and their role in a married relationship.

For a smooth running of a relationship, it is important to offer compromises to your partner than just feeling good about being in a relationship. One should pause to ask oneself does being married only means getting comfortable with security of having food and clothing, and shopping? Marriage is hard enough bringing such low expectations into it. Being in a relationship, instead, means doing things what other partner wants, doing in the way partner wants, gives immense pleasure to the partner. This ‘relationship action’ gives satisfaction of being in a relationship. People everywhere have lost the pleasure of performing these ‘relationship actions’. They try to find peace and happiness by abstaining from ‘relationship actions’. Hence everyone looks forward to the weekend and vacation. This is new generation weakness. If you cannot find peace and happiness in ‘relationship actions’ you can never find it through abstaining from them. At least one ‘relationship action’ in a week keeps the relationship going stronger and deeper—which can be measured by a cheerful and broad smile on the beloved’s face.

Most people today seek wealth and enjoyment from marriage. This is kind of top line in modern marriages at least to initiate the marriage proposal and later they match compatibility and personality to find the right person. Although it is well accepted, and many a time people do get the lifestyle desired; for a relationship to endure, the key factor is to accept one another and share each other’s experience in a married life.

In regard to it, a relationship can be explained in Sanskrit as “Anubhava dhara”, as in a stream of experiences. As long as experiences flow, there is a life for both as a couple. When the flow ceases relationship becomes extinct. An experience is therefore a unit of life. This life experience comprises of two factors: Subject and Object. When you communicate with the world, subject meets object, you gain experience. Together or individually the flow of experiences is life. At the end of the day an ideal spouse would be one who is able to spellbind you to share or listen to the experiences either for the interest on you (subject), the story (object) or both. If not or if there isn’t any common experience between two; relationship is going to go down. Thus, sharing of experiences and opinions between two are important in a sustained healthy relationship.

Let us look at a few ways available to take this relationship to a higher plane. How you as a couple are related to the world to find peace and harmony? It is not the world or other people who bother you as you believe it to be—but the relationship you have with them. It is practically impossible to have selfless service in marriage. However, it is essential to mend the quality of emotion from preferential attachment to love. Raise self-awareness of reliance of a soulmate in every aspect from mundane to the extraordinary experience to one’s senses. This will reach the culmination of life and relationship, the ultimate state of peace and bliss, the goal of marriage.

Spiritual connection is very essential in every relationship which is the superset of physical attraction. This binds two souls made for each other. There is chemistry in whatever they attempt to do together. Mind carries soul-mate images to boost up motivation and deal with real life in day-to-day activities. This state in mind results in blissful conditioned-consciousness known as waking, dream and deep-sleep. It is wise not to submit oneself to superstitious belief of relationships or mechanical rituals. This may retrograde the spiritual connection between the relationships.

Most of the misunderstanding and suffering in a relationship are due to self-centric nature of the partners. They cannot see relationship as a whole. Although we are aware that the world is not designed to cater to a particular individual, we do expect a partner to cater in the way he/she wants to see his/her life. When things are not going in their way, most people contradict their trust they had in the beginning of the relationship and go for outside opinions. They hardly investigate the truth. They do not exercise their own judgment. They rely on outside forces to do their thinking. And they function predominantly on blind assumptions in mechanical way. This is spiritual suicide of the relationship. Self-centric nature can never do good to a matrimonial relationship. And those minds destabilize the family environment. Thus the partner loses stability in crucial episode of their life.

In some cases, some people, if the situation with their partner is not favoring them, they rely on other parties like extended families, friends for emotional support or for any kind of anticipated future life security support as their back-up. These substitution declines the strength in the relationship gradually. To have constant energy flow in a relationship it is important to make important emotional reciprocity and getting on common terms with your partner is necessary in all aspect.

Here are some simple techniques to refresh the quality of your relationship. Remember your wedding ceremony. Remember your honeymoon. Remember your marriage. Have you ever been awake? Have you ever missed any opportunity where you could have fallen asleep? Physical relationship needs seasoning, it needs time, it needs depth, intimacy, living together, being together. If Sex becomes such a trivial thing – just a bodily affair where surfaces meet and your depth remains untouched. You are again missing something, something great, and something very mysterious – because you become aware of your own depth only when someone else touches it. Only in a deep relationship does somebody’s love resounds in you and brings your depth into being. Only through somebody else you discover yourself.

No one can force trust on someone; that can never happen. Love always trusts. Sex creates jealousy. If you love somebody in a relationship, sooner or later that person comes with a loving heart. You found the right person. But if you are jealous you will not find that person. If you are simply looking for sex or security for life, you will not find love. Love is hard path, only courageous people can travel on it. It is a penance. There are only two ways to reach the divine: meditation or love. It’s up to you to find your way.

Sex is vital in married relationships. It is the lowest form of energy. If you are spiritual call it ‘God’, if you are scientific, call it ‘X’. This energy, X, can become love. When it is love, then you start respecting the other person. Sometimes you use the other person and feel thankful for it. When you are in love with a woman and you make love to her, you acknowledge. How many people acknowledge or say love-you after you have sex with your partner? May be, many years before, you can remember some time when you were just undecided, just trying! Expecting acknowledgement first from partner, then I acknowledge back is also not love. Once both are settled, taking each other for granted and gratitude has disappeared. This factor deteriorates any strong relationship. This cannot be one day story, must be on going.

Well, true fact is only a woman is real source of existence, who influences every aspect of family. Man is just a player and executor. Although these days, both partners take responsibility of running a family, man holds upper hand. On the other hand, woman is the real energy to move family forward. Without her energy factor, he will be lame. More clearly people understand this notion more prosperous will the family be.

In India, most parents play a big role in marriages. Some parents impose their ideas of marriage. They say “If you marry this person so and so, my blessings are there with you, otherwise we will not bless you”. They do not allow their children to love anyone unconditionally. Some modern parents, the so called educated class say “marry whoever you like” in a string attached way. This ‘liking’ is not good enough to spend entire time together. These parents try to look good limiting their constraints and leaving everything to their children. Love cannot happen based on parents schedule or one’s personal schedule or based on age.

Many of these kinds of marriages end up in stories like this. A lady goes to pet store to buy one. She sees a bird with big beak “what is this strange looking bird?” Proprietor replies “That is gobble bird”. She enquires “Why he is named like that”. In reply the man said to the bird “Gobble bird, my chair”. Immediately, bird started pecking away and gobbles up the chair. The lady, with no more questions says, “I want to buy it”. Owner asked why she needs to buy. She replied “Today evening my husband comes home, he will ask ‘what is that?’ then I will say ‘Gobble bird’. And then he will say ‘Gobble bird, my foot’. What love? What an understanding they have got. Why do they have to marry?

This couple even though they fight and hate each other, they care for each other. This caring is really not enough. This level of caring comes from cultural values we inherit. Most of them try hard to save their marriage. This group of people does not live up to their life. They compromise to look good. They call it love by the satisfaction of sacrifice and compromise they make. This is not love in married relationship, this is not sacrifice. This way we can love anyone around us.

Sacrifice and compromise has to happen in the partner’s interest, and this spontaneously comes out of true love. Love in married relationship is truly associated and should be bound to our true emotions and feelings. Some call such couple as soul-mate. That motivates, inspires, dares, encourages and builds strong confidence, character and attitude for these soul-mates. One should aspire for that love where one can attempt do anything required for a special emotion moment to capture which behold in life forever.

Only those couples in a relationship, can find each day in new horizon, new aspirations. They live entire life as if there is no tomorrow. These cute hearts take life in a positive spirit and reckon both happy and sorrow moments equally in life. They balance their life by giving what they need to give in a relationship.

They explore the true world and see it through different lens than rest of us. They convey love is not learnt from school or university. Love is embedded in our brain like any other fundamental living mechanisms such as, eating, sleeping, very nature of human. They live their life to full, create better environment around them and hopefully produce beautiful replicas of themselves in the world.

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