I'm about to let you know the real reasons why men
in relationships so often act this way... and what to do about it.
I'm also about to explain why so many women end up in unfulfilling
relationships with men who "TAKE TAKE TAKE", and why these women so
often end up getting little back for all their efforts.
First off, tell me if this sounds at all familiar...
You meet a great guy and you start dating.
The "chemistry" is simply AMAZING and you can't believe how into
connecting and sharing he is...even on that emotional level where other
men often fall flat.
You spend time together and keep growing closer, and you start to
believe that maybe you've finally found that amazing friend, companion
and lover all in one.
He's so open and caring... listens and pays attention to you and what's
going with you in a way that few men you've met can.
Your connection is unbelievable.
You both know you can count on each other in ways that feel like you're
closer than you have been with a man in a long, long time.
Since you're both so close, he starts to depend on you for a few things
in his life... and you're happy to help him since you really care about
him and are a generous and loving person.
But, as time goes on, something starts to slowly "shift."
It starts with small things...
He starts acting a little differently, and stops doing a lot of the
things he used to do that made you admire and respect him.
Somehow, he seems less confident, present, and "connected" with you.
And then you notice...
There's something different about how he depends on you, and it sets
off your "radar."
You start to wonder if how he is with you is entirely healthy.
You start to feel "drained" with him and with the relationship more and
more... but you know that a relationship is about give and take, so you
keep giving and have faith that things are going fine.
More time passes and you start to notice something else...
You see that he isn't becoming more appreciative of all the things
you're doing for
him and your relationship.
In fact, it feels like he's starting to take more and more of it for
granted.
Actually, he seems LESS APPRECIATIVE of you and your relationship in
general.
He starts asking and depending on you even more, without any real
thanks or reciprocation.
The more he does this, the more you sense that there's a kind of needy
"childishness" inside him that's becoming clearer.
You want to be there for him and be a great partner... but you also
want that fun, strong, playful, loving, confident man back who was
there before things changed.
With all this going on, you're not exactly sure of what to do about it
or what's going on for him that's making him act this way.
He doesn't seem to pay you the same attention, give the same affection
and support that you give him, and it's starting to feel unfair and
bother you.
Your relationship is starting to feel like it's all about making sure
"he's" happy.
Which of course doesn't leave much room for what's going on for YOU.
You know things can't go on this way if your relationship is going to
work and be something worthwhile and "real."
He's got to see what's going on and stop being so self-involved.
You know that he's had some challenges in his own life and maybe he
just doesn't see what's going on. So, you decide to not make a big deal
out of it. But, you know that something needs to change... soon.
So, you finally decide to talk to him about what's going on.
You go over in your head again and again what you're going to say to
him and what's been going on for the last several months.
You're sure that he'll see what's been happening and all the things
you've been doing for him and the relationship, and he'll give you some
understanding.
But when you talk to him, it doesn't work out this way... AT ALL.
Instead of hearing you and your intentions to get things back to a
better place between you two, he just becomes frustrated, irritated and
DEFENSIVE with you.
Instead of hearing you, he makes you feel like you're "nagging" him and
creating "drama."
He even acts like you're the one being ridiculous and withdraws from
you.
Does any of this sound familiar to you?
This situation where you know you're giving and getting less than
nothing back STINKS.
And unfortunately, it's a common experience lots of women have in
relationships with men.
Now, there are about 50 things I could tell you about how men are at
fault and create these problems for themselves and for you in your
relationship.
But the reality is that you've already spent hours thinking about this
before and have a lot of your own ideas about it.
That is partially why I'm NOT going to talk about what's going on with
men here and what to do about it.
At least not yet.
Right now we're going to talk about YOU.
Why?
Because thinking about YOURSELF is the first step towards real GROWTH
and AWARENESS in EVERY RELATIONSHIP you have in your life.
You could spend days, weeks, months or years worrying about a man, what
he thinks, and why he does the things he does.
But if you want to be smart...
And you want relationships to start "working" for you, instead of
seeming like a never ending source of frustration and disappointment
trying to get a man to make the relationship work...
Then you'll make sure you have things handled for yourself first.
And that way you'll have the CERTAINTY that only comes from
understanding what's happening in the relationship around you... and
what YOU need to do in each situation that comes up with a man.
THE ONE QUESTION THAT CAN CHANGE YOUR RELATIONSHIP
WITH A MAN INSTANTLY
If you're at the most basic levels of what I call "emotional maturity"
in your life, then you've started to recognize something very important
and significant about yourself...
You've recognized that you have a few PATTERNS coming up in your
relationships.
Of course, some of these patterns are positive traits that bring
benefits, center around your personal preferences, and involve things
you bring into your life CONSCIOUSLY and for good reason.
But the reality is these aren't the only kind of patterns you have in
your life.
You also have a special group of "negative patterns."
Patterns that you save just for MEN.
So, let me ask you a very simple question.
It's a question that could very well change the course of your love
life IMMEDIATELY once you answer it.
Here's the question - Do you know your "negative patterns" in
relationships with men?
You might have a few of these that you already know about that you can
rattle off in your head right now without really thinking about it.
THESE ARE NOT THE PATTERNS I'M LOOKING FOR TO IMPROVE YOUR LOVE LIFE.
You already know about these patterns and this knowledge still doesn't
seem to be helping you if you're running into the same issues and
situations again and again.
Which is why it's obvious that "what" you already know isn't going to
help you learn and grow past these situations with men for good.
You need to expand your PERSPECTIVE.
That's why I'm looking for the patterns that you DON'T see right now,
and that you aren't CONSCIOUS of.
Here's where we're going to take ACTION...
Right now, I want you to give yourself the time and space for the next
5 minutes to think about your own patterns in your past or present
relationships with men.
And, I want you to put everything else aside just for a few short
moments while you focus on YOURSELF.
By the way, if you don't have time to do this now, then you probably
never will.
And I know it's a simple question, but the AWARENESS and GROWTH that
can come from your answer is what's going to change your love life
immediately.
So now that you've made the time, I want you to think about the
following -
I want you to come up with at least TWO of your own negative
relationship patterns with men.
And I don't just mean patterns that are really about men... such as "I
always pick men who are clueless about loving relationships."
This is focusing on HIM, not YOU.
I mean something like "I meet men and quickly spend all my time with
them. But soon I see that I've "lost myself" and I am not able to have
a healthy balance. And inevitably, we end up breaking up and I resent
all the time I spent on the relationship and him, instead of spending
more time on myself."
That's one common example lots of women have experienced.
Now, it's your turn.
I want you to come up with 2 other patterns that have to do with YOU
and things that come from YOUR THINKING or BEHAVIOR.
I'm going to give you a few minutes to do it now. I'm going to give you
another minute to make sure you have your two patterns.
OK. So now you have two clear patterns of your own in your head.
Take out a pen and a piece of paper right now and write down the
patterns you identified.
Do it now, I'll wait.
Good.
I want you to keep this piece of paper somewhere you can look at it
again in a few days or weeks.
It will be important to look at what you wrote down again at least once
in the next few days.
DEVELOPING CONSCIOUSNESS TO MOVE PAST YOUR NEGATIVE AND SELF-DEFEATING
"PATTERNS" IN RELATIONSHIPS WITH MEN
Now that you've got your two negative patterns, here's where things are
going to start coming together for you...
First, I need you to get away from a dangerous kind of thinking that
ALL WOMEN engage in when it comes to men, dating and relationships.
I call it "All-or-Nothing Thinking."
Do you know any women who talk about how their relationship is hopeless
and a complete failure...
And then a few hours or days later they have shifted 180 degrees to
where EVERYTHING is great?
What does this say about the woman who thinks and feels this way?
What kind of relationship and communication "skills" does a woman like
this have?
And how do you think a man experiences this kind of thinking and
behavior... and what does it say to him about a woman?
Of course, this is an extreme example of "All-or-Nothing Thinking."
Unfortunately, the more common "All-or-Nothing Thinking" is subtle and
difficult to recognize.
Especially when YOU are the one having the thoughts.
So, let me ask you...
When you look at your pattern, is there a negative trait or habit of
yours that stands out as the one that gets you into trouble the most?
I'm certain there is. I want you to identify at least one of your
greatest WEAKNESSES that shows up in your life through your negative
patterns.
I'll give you a minute to write this down next to the pattern it's
associated with.
Now there's something I want you to think about...
It makes sense to cut this negative trait or habit that's associated
with your pattern out of your relationship and behavior with a man...
right?
It's caused a lot of these problems... right?
If you cut these traits or qualities out of the way you are in a
relationship with a man, then things will be better... right?
WRONG... What if the problems that come up in your negative pattern are
caused by these traits?
And what if the traits in your negative pattern didn't represent just
your personal WEAKNESSES?
What if they ALSO represented your personal STRENGTHS at the same time?
If you were thinking that you should get rid of the trait or quality
entirely that's involved in your negative pattern so that things will
work better in the future... then you're going to that place of
"All-or-Nothing Thinking."
Talk about throwing out the baby with the bath water.
Over the years I've recognized that there's a fascinating mistake TONS
of people make in relationships, in business, and in every aspect of
life...
When something isn't working and they want to fix a problem, they don't
look at the entire "system" around them.
Instead, they focus their attention on the "symptoms" they see, in
isolation.
Some people complain about "Western Medicine" having the same
shortcoming. That it only addresses symptoms, instead of taking a
"holistic" approach to how everything works together.
Anyway... when a person is trying to fix a problem in a relationship,
by not seeing the entire "system" going on around them, they can't see
how all the elements are inter-connected.
So, when they go to make a change, they think they can change what's
related to the symptoms and everything will work better.
This is like thinking blowing your nose will cure a cold.
What's worse, oftentimes the things that people change not only don't
work to fix the problem...
But ends up making things WORSE by affecting all the other related and
inter connected things that WERE WORKING.
Talk about COUNTERPRODUCTIVE... Don't start solving problems and
changing your relationship when you can only see the "symptoms."
There's a better way.
You need to start looking at the whole "system" of how you and a man
connect and communicate in your relationship.
You need to develop your own "holistic" approach.
Then you'll have the PERSPECTIVE to make choices and take action that
will bring more connection and understanding into your life.
So how can you start to see your own relationship with a man as the
"system" that it is? And how can you avoid the dead end strategy of
trying to cover up the "symptoms"? Here's a step towards this that you
can take RIGHT NOW...
I'm going to get you out of the habit of using your destructive
"All-or-Nothing Thinking."
I want you to look at your trait or traits again that were your own
WEAKNESSES in your negative relationship pattern.
Now I want you to try something that might seem strange at first.
I want you to identify at least one way in which your trait or habit in
your negative relationship pattern is also a STRENGTH.
I'll give you a minute to see how the very trait that you just
identified as a WEAKNESS is also a STRENGTH.
I want you to write the STRENGTH down right now next to the pattern
it's associated with.
Go ahead. I'll give you a few minutes.
......................................
OK, good.
There's a lot of power and AWARENESS created in what you just did when
you think about it - IF you stay aware of this when you're interacting
with a man in your relationship.
When you see how your WEAKNESSES, that you've been giving yourself a
hard time about and trying to figure out how to get rid of, are also
part of your STRENGTHS... things you never could have understood will
start to become clear to you.
Challenges, issues, attitudes and hurtful things that a man brings to
you that relate to your patterns, and these traits will start to look
differently to you...
And you'll start to have an amazing sense of CLARITY about what's the
best thing to do for you, for him, and for your relationship.
A "STRANGE TRUTH" ABOUT THE PEOPLE AND RELATIONSHIPS YOU ATTRACT IN
LIFE AND LOVE
You've got some basic tools to work with now to understand more about
what's going on with you and your relationship.
But it really only starts here.
Are you CLEAR on how these 2 patterns come up in your life?
Do you know how to avoid "All or Nothing Thinking" the next time it
comes up and tries to create DISTANCE between you and a man?
Do you know where these thoughts come from and what to do to stay
conscious and overcome the negative aspects of your other destructive
relationship patterns?
Do you know how to guide a man to start doing these same things to
improve HIMSELF and the way he is in your relationship, so you don't
have to try and convince him of what's going on that he can't see or
isn't paying attention to?
Most women who aren't in a happy, healthy, loving, lasting relationship
don't have this knowledge and the ability to stay connected with a man
that comes along with it.
The strange truth is, patterns aren't just coincidences in your life.
They keep repeating in your life for a reason.
What are the lessons that keep coming up for you in your love life that
you can't learn from where you are today, but keep coming at you?
The reality is that you have a choice...
You can keep repeating these patterns, and experiencing the pain and
frustration that comes with them again and again...
This is the "easy" choice that doesn't ask or require you to learn and
grow at all.
OR...
You can create a "shift" in your life.
You can choose to have more AWARENESS and more GROWTH... which will of
course bring new ways of seeing things, and best of all, NEW RESULTS in
your relationship.
The choice is yours right now.
If you've ever wondered why you get "stuck" with a man once you get to
a certain level of connection and intimacy... and then things seem to
go backwards and he withdraws... then this program is going to change
your life and your relationship.
One of the most critical things that's going on inside a relationship
when a "casual", or even a committed relationship, starts to go wrong,
even though there's no lack of love or caring between the man and
woman, is FEAR.
And I don't just mean YOUR FEARS... I'm talking about a HIS FEARS, too.
There's a reason why most men pull away and sabotage perfectly good,
loving relationships with women.
And there's a reason why YOUR FEARS are only making these things with a
man WORSE.
There are clear steps that you can take to change your love life and
relationship, no matter where you are right now with a man.
Shifting your PERSPECTIVE and becoming MORE CONSCIOUS is your first
step... some of which we've touched on here.
You can stop the unnecessary PATTERNS.
You can come to terms with, and understand, the FEARS.
And you can find out, once and for all, why it is that men so often put
up RESISTANCE to becoming more connected, closer and MORE COMMITTED
with YOU on a physical and emotional level.
Don't let go of this opportunity to have LASTING CHANGE and IMPROVEMENT
to the quality of your love life and all your relationships.
Go to WOMEN
INSPIRED and get the rest of the story.
What could come from your learning, growth, and new "relationship
skills" and wisdom could be PRICELESS and last a lifetime.
Love and Success ...
Article Source: http://www.articlesbase.com/relationships-
articles/is-your-relationship-healthy-and-how-to-instantly-
improve-it-if-not-1517766.html
About the Author
Our Active Approach provides help in solving
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